It’s funny how it seems only yesterday I met the love of my life and this week we’re already on our 2nd year. It’s funny in a way that he is my first long term boyfriend. I admit I have been with a few guy flings through the years but none of those lasted. Looking back I realized I had to go through all them, all those God forsaken bastards, in order for me to realize how good I have with my guy. It’s true when they say
“Love will find you the moment you
stop looking for it”.
I have been going in circles trying to find my soulmate those desolate days. In the long run I managed to ruin my childhood dream of a prince charming and a perfect love story with the dreaded thought that men are either gay or fucked up and that there’s a possibility I’ll be growing old alone. Every girl fears that especially after a few failed relationships. It could be one hell of a nightmare I simply had to open my eyes to. I had lost hope that moment so I settled with my friends’ mantra about relationships being something blinded by a forever that ends sooner than it should. Then he came. That one time I killed all the giddy feelings I had with love. That one time I simply wanted to hang out and flirt with a guy instead of wanting to spend a lifetime with someone who loves me. I could say he broke my love curse. I know I’ll never be the same. I have learned a great deal of how painful love could be, and it only took him to teach me all the great things love will always be. I would like to take this opportunity to tell the world how much I love my guy, Mico Perez, and how much I thank God for giving him to me. Two years is nothing to forever and I bet with him I’ll be seeing more sunsets and happily ever afters.
Valentines’ Day is also fast approaching and so I decided to give a run down of 10 things long term relationships should have in order for it to last. I know, couples who have more experience than I should be writing this, but because I’m in the mood to write about LOVE, you can’t stop me. Besides, I don’t normally do this. I’m just inspired as of the moment. Here you go.
1. Crazy Moments
Going crazy with a special someone means you are comfortable with each other, that you don’t mind farting, laughing like a hyena or getting smoldered in newly baked pastry. Whenever you’re with your partner, getting humiliated in public seems a little less embarrassing and more of a memory worth laughing about. It’s the whole essence of a relationship: having someone to share fun memories with, and witness how awesome your jokes are or how cute you get each time you eat like a hungry lion. It feels so much better to play PSP on a competition match rather than on a 1 player mode. I mean whatever you both are into, the fact that you’re having so much fun together and you’re both letting go of your inhibitions, letting your inner Kristen Wiig fool around, you’re doing it right.
2. Cheesy Moments
Your friends will never understand why you never run out of pick up lines or get too tired of posting love quotes on Facebook. Nobody does. It’s that one thing you share with each other, not for other people to care about. The cheesy moments are like match sticks igniting that warm feeling you used to make each other feel. It’s like a fuel burner that keeps you going. Relationships are based on reality, and these cheesy moments like kissing under the rain or writing love notes opens our hearts to something intangible and transcendent like Love. What’s a relationship without cheesy and crazy moments? Something boring that needs to be thrown away.
3. Promises both broken and kept
I must be going nuts saying both broken and kept promises keep a relationship alive. Seriously these days, nobody ever keeps every single promise they make. Nobody’s perfect. Everybody’s bound to break a promise one way or the other. The great thing about long term relationships is the magic of compromise. The almost golden eyes that recognize all the good against the one wrong. The wonder of apologies and realizing you’re wrong and that you’ve hurt your partner by breaking a promise could be something that keeps the relationship sane. And I’m saying sane because when we’re in love we tend to make a lot of promises, most of which are totally impossible and we only say them to add savor to the moment, play Shakespeare to seem romantic. I’m not saying don’t make impossible promises, just try to work on it. Make each other feel that you’re both willing to make your relationship work.
4. Public Display of Affection
This all depends on how you both express your mutual love for each other. Some may take their relationship on a more private level, and some are proud enough to show it in public. I mean totally not for public indecency, but kissing or hugging in public, well at least for me, is a sign that your love has taken on a different level and you’re not afraid to show the world. Conservatives like most Filipinos prefer to keep it a little less cheesy in public. If you’re one of those and prefer to call me a harlot, then sue me. I just want to say I love my boyfriend and I will want to kiss and hug him whenever and wherever I want to. That’s my thing. Kudos to all girls who kiss their guys in public!
Again, this all depends on whether you and your partner love surprises because some couples do not. They’re the Type A couples, always planning everything, like my parents. I prefer a more spontaneous approach in a relationship. I mean come on, surprises keep the courtship going even after the I do’s have been said. It goes to show that despite the time you’ve spent with each other, there’s still a lot to discover and a lot of things to be surprised with. I don’t believe boring couples last in long term relationships. A little spontaneity goes a long way. You can fight over the surprises or you can find a new thing between you two, either way, your day’s going to be less boring than an ordinary applepie day for ordinary couples.
Why I placed Communication after all the fun stuff is because it could either help your relationship or it could break everything you guys took so long working for. I could only imagine if my guy and I talked about our every feeling and thought, we could either suffocate or reveal things we do not wish the other party to know. Not everything is worth sharing in a relationship although honesty is a virtue to consider. It’s a matter of good timing and not just about you and your urge to let out a bomb in your heart. What I love most about Communication is being able to tell him I love him every single day and also telling him how annoying he can be at times. There’s a whole book about this Communication thing between couples. It could get as tricky as deciding when to cross the street without the traffic lights. Psychology, bitches.
Fights are totally normal and honestly I have accepted the fact that a long term relationship requires a LOT of this. I apologize for the pessimism but hear me out. It’s all part of the spontaneity I have been talking about. Fights are random bumps on the road the young couple has to overcome and it never ends in one issue. The best thing about it is the compromise, as I have said earlier. Compromise is always the sweetest thing, like a scene where the guy apologizes in the pouring rain and stays there for hours, then the girl runs out, ready to forgive him and they both lock in a passionate kiss under the rain. It’s epic, and super Nicholas Spark-y, but unfortunately I don’t recall us ever doing that. Anywho, just don’t repeat what you’ve fought about over and over again. And I’m talking to the guys out there. We women will not take any crap from anybody who messes up time and time again. Girls, be nice to your man, too.
8. Marriage, or at least the promise of one
Relationships are meant to be forever, and that’s the ideal one. Unlike the infamous Christian Grey, commitment for other guys mean everything the moment they lay their eyes on that girl. If ever you read relationship write-ups, you’ll always see men writing something about guys wanting to see a future wife in the girl they are dating, in order to fall truly, madly, deeply in love. Don’t it just melt you alive when your partner opens up with thoughts of marrying you and building a family together? So cheesy but some guys kill the immaculate moment of a lifetime commitment by saying this to every single girl they date. I’m sure we all know a few persons who do this. Saying “I want to marry you” just to get in your pants. Careful girls. It takes a lot of months and years, or that extra special spark between you two to convince you your guy means what he is saying. Obviously, the actions will always reflect a guy’s intent. God, I love weddings.
9. You know what this is
. .and I mean lots of it. haha! No further explanations. It’s a thing of couples nowadays. Plus you’ve probably read a lot more about this than I could ever write. There is something about sex that transcends carnal desire. No insecurities, no secrets. For me, it’s a connection between couples that’s on a more spiritual level. I’m sure not all will agree and some may have taken a vow of virginity or a Sex after Marriage contract, but no matter when you do it, either before or after marriage, sex will always be sex. It will always be something that seals the deal in the relationship.
10. Family, or at least the promise of one,
Ooh and I love babies too. Building a family with the one you hold dearest to your heart is the cherry on top of the cake. Although it feels so much better just planning about it than being in the actual scene, which could introduce you to a whole new messed up world, visions of a family completes a person in a way. I have met moms my age and learned from them that once you become a mom, you feel a little more worth in your life, like you’re actually living for someone who is in total dependence of you. Of course, this is not something I’m already considering as of the moment. If you guys don’t mind, I’m sticking with number 9 first. haha! Thumbs up to moms and dads everywhere, especially those who decided to keep their babies over cursing at failed contraceptive methods.
Love is all we need,