Sky Ferreira by Josh Olins
Growing up, I have learned the necessity to say “No” to something or someone that’s not worth my time. Although this may seem like I’m a bad person and the person I’m rejecting a sad victim, I’m also aware that if everyone simply accepts everything, then everyone will have nothing, which is both ironic and pointless.
Rejections are there for a purpose, and that is to either pump you up for a challenge or direct you to another path. Doing the rejection, however, still passes on a negative energy no matter how you do it. And not all people take it so lightly.
As a blogger, I do receive a few advertising proposals. I have to browse through all that and reject those that don’t relate to the theme of my blog, or are otherwise uninteresting to me. Yes I run a miscellaneous, anything-goes blog, but this too have restrictions and I don’t want to seem desperate for advertisers that may compromise my blog.
Same goes with other proposals you may encounter.
Most would just ignore (which I think is the worst way to reject someone just so you can go away with an excuse that you haven’t read the proposal in the first place. It would make the person linger around waiting for your reply instead of cutting them a slack and allowing them to move on to their next prospect. You’re a horrible person if you do this. Well, except for spam adverts, they deserve to be ignored.)
Some reject people the way Donald Trump fires an employee, or worse.
Saying “No” doesn’t necessarily mean you have to say “No” in a rude condescending manner. There is a better way to reject people without stomping on their dignity and without sounding like a douche.
Empathize with the person asking for a favor, but weigh the pros and cons first.
Let’s admit it, the difficulty level in asking for favors depend on one’s pride. To put it simply, the higher the pride, the harder it is to seem needy. For most people, it takes a lot of audacity to walk up to someone, introduce themselves and ask for what they need from them.
For those kinds of people, rejection hits the hardest, especially if you reject them harshly.
Learn to empathize with the person sucking up to you. Realize that rejection is a strong negative feeling that can lead someone to depression and worse. I’m sure your conscience won’t allow you to step all over someone’s pride, because obviously you know how terrible that feels. It’ll just make you feel the unnecessary guilt of doing something you do not want done to you.
Then again, thinking about the offer, are you sure you’re not interested?
Is it not necessary?
Will it benefit you both or will you be simply wasting your time on it?
Sometimes people miss out on great opportunities by rejecting on impulse. On the other hand, accepting offers because of pity can sometimes be okay (because you’re a fairly charitable person) but realizing your priorities, values and interests, more often than not you’ll be left taken advantage of. The gesture of accepting or rejecting offers is always a risk but when pros and cons are weighed carefully, the risk is made less fatal.
Compliment the gesture before you reject mildly.
This is the coolest trick of turning down people in a professional and ethical manner. Compliment their effort of reaching out to you and making you feel important, then gently lay down the reason you won’t be accepting their offer.
“Thank you so much for taking notice of me as your potential business partner. I know you’re a very busy person and this gesture is much appreciated. However, I regret that I may not have the time to follow through with this if ever I accept your offer. Thank you for sharing it with me anyway.”
This also works with rejecting suitors although it may seem too formal.
“Thank you so much for taking an interest in building a relationship with me. In our previous conversations I got to know that you are funny, sensible and sweet. Any girl would be so lucky to have you. Unfortunately, a relationship is the least of my priorities now and I fear I may lose track of my career if I were to entertain you further. I really do hope you understand.”
Be sure whether you’re totally rejecting the offer or you are interested but the timing is just not right.
If you want to keep the offer but for another time, try this.
“Thank you for sharing that good opportunity with me. It seems interesting and I would like to consider that but for some other time. I will let you know when I’m ready to negotiate terms but in the event that I forget, please feel free to send me a gentle reminder in 3 months or so.”
There are far better sentences you can say to politely turn down offers but no matter what words you use, the manner you say it should, at the very least, lighten the negative vibe that rejection normally brings out.
Do not be the douche that causes people to jump from buildings.