I had a friend who once, in the middle of a short moment of solitude during work, decided to open up.
The night before, her boyfriend picked her up from work and they went to this local restaurant. While she was so ecstatic about her man picking her up after work and taking her to a nice diner, nothing prepared her for what he was about to confess. It was not a marriage proposal nor a confession of love. The confession turned out to be something that would throw her in a temporary state of depression.
Apparently, he has fallen out of love.
After only a couple of months he wanted to call it quits because the electric feeling of being in love is no longer there. And if you’re curious, no, there’s no other woman. Or so he says, right?
Anyway, as much as he doesn’t want to break her heart and spill the “It’s not you, it’s me” line, he offered her friendship as a sort of consolation. Instead of wanting to storm out or make a scene, she decided to say “No.”
“No. You’re not breaking up with me. I don’t permit you to break up with me”
Full of conviction and tenacity to fight for their relationship, she did not accept his break up proposal. It was as if he needed some sort of permission from her.
So, the guy, feeling guilty over falling out, decided to give it another chance. Who knows, it might just be a phase, right?
Days passed by and she noticed something totally off from him. He wasn’t enjoying their dates anymore. The endless conversations they used to have became small talk. Their relationship turned stale. She was trying too hard and he wasn’t responding anymore.
I felt, from the way she talked about this, that she was already at the point of smothering him. She wants him so bad. However, it seems that the guy doesn’t have the balls to tell her, straight to her pretty face, that he doesn’t love her anymore. She asked our advice on what she should do. It’s her first relationship and she wants it to last longer.
To all who are in this current situation as well, and I know there are a lot of you, I have been there as well, this is my honest to goodness opinion.
First of all, people don’t need anyone’s permission to fall out of love. They just do.
It’s life. Sometimes, love dies. Cupid’s arrow has an expiration date. It just happens. You can go out of your way and try to revive it but in the end you’ll be only kidding yourself. I know, I sound so pessimistic but from experience, I have learned that you can’t keep a bird in a cage when it wants to fly free. It just dies. And you’ll look stupid if you keep on feeding a dead bird.
Second, I couldn’t help but think the conviction to fight is a little out of place.
I know heartbreaks are inevitable especially if it’s your first. I’m sorry if I say this as a matter of fact but, there’s nothing to fight for in a one-sided relationship. It will never be a win-win situation.
One will always be trying too hard and the other will always be smothered. One will love so much and the other will simply receive, unable to give love back. There’s no happy ending in this one unless, in some twist of fate, Cupid decides to stab him once more with an arrow, but I wouldn’t really count on that.
Third, have a little pride, Girl.
Really, it’s degrading to be the one begging for love in a dying relationship like he’s the last man on earth. It’s okay to give things a chance but you have to know when to get a clue.
If he doesn’t want you, and is just staying in the relationship out of pity, it’s not love. Maybe you’re simply obsessed with the thought of having a boyfriend. It wouldn’t take too long before you realize that trying too hard to revive a dead relationship actually sucks. And it sucks more when you start to realize you’ve wasted a lot of time on someone who didn’t really need you.
Fourth, it’s not really you, it’s him.
Well, it’s not that you are no longer as pretty or as funny or caring as you were on your first few dates. It’s not that the amount of love you give him isn’t enough. It’s just that, maybe, here comes a point in his life when he wants to detach from anybody and figure himself out or focus on a goal.
Maybe he is simply getting tired of the whole dating thing. Maybe he never really loved you.
Ouch, that is harsh but is the truth sometimes. There are boys that are still trying to figure out what love is or what they want from a relationship. You don’t have to be so hard on yourself. They are the ones confused. Give them space to breathe.
Five, let him go.
Sometimes people want to break free so you would chase after them to prove your love. This isn’t the case. Fact of the matter is, he’s fallen out of love and you should set him free. Allow him to explore his options and live his life the way he wants, with whoever he wants to spend it.
And try and live your own life as well.
Who knows, clinging to him might be keeping the right one away. You’ll be doing both him and yourself a favor by just breaking up and allowing love to die naturally.
What do you guys think? If there’s one love advice you could give someone in this same situation, what would that be?