Art by Victoria Jenkins
A few days from now I’m sure a lot of people would be attending parties for a chance to strike a heart-shaped pinata, declaring they’re still single and miserable on Valentines Day 2014. People whine about their love life the whole year round. Some people even believe that Valentines’ Day is all about finding that life partner when really, truth is they’re obsessed with being loved that they forget the one thing that encompasses the feeling of being loved by someone: The ultimate feeling of Self Love.
Here’s something I learned the hard way.
Before anyone else can love you, you have to learn to love yourself.
I was caught up in a depression way back in college. I had a couple of boyfriends that didn’t measure up, a couple of relationships that didn’t last. I have always believed in love but somehow along the way, I got to thinking if I am pretty enough, or just another face for guys to not take seriously. I know how most people feel after a few attempts on finding that one and ending up frustrated. It’s like love drastically transformed from something so magical into a nightmare. It’s depressing, really. You had no idea why they never stay. Then I got to thinking, and you might have heard this before and I tell you it’s not as cliche as it seems, “It’s not them, it’s me.”
It’s true what they say, Self Love is the key. Love yourself a little everyday. Love yourself so much that the world will start loving you.
I started meditating on a regular basis. Even though I am in a stable relationship, it really helps to take a few minutes every single day to look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate the woman in front of you. If it worked with one person, maybe it will work with every person you meet everyday.
Here’s five things I kept on telling myself every single day that made me feel better and helped me love myself more. The secret here is not just looking at the mirror and just saying it to your face. You have to really feel it. Examine yourself, take note of your flaws and overwrite that thought process with why you are a better person. And smile because the things you just said are true. 🙂
You are Beautiful
We are all gifted with unique physical features and while some people continue to ridicule others for having less attractive physical appearances, we should always remember that beauty radiates from within regardless of what others keep on saying. You have to believe you’re beautiful, so regardless of the huge mole on your face or a congenital defect you can’t do anything about, tell yourself you’re the most beautiful person in the world. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Stop stressing yourself with what make up to put on or what clothes to wear. Stop comparing yourself with other people. Stop hiding behind a brick wall of insecurity. Stop covering yourself with layers and layers of pretentious lies because the person you see in front of you needs no masks. And that person is beautiful.
I too had my fair share of insecurities. Puberty could have been the worst part of my life (it is a fact for most girls) because aside from my leg problem, I had this acne breakout plus an uncontrollable annoying and stinky bloody period I keep getting every month during classes. It was definitely the worst part of my life but I have moved on. It wasn’t easy but I have come to doing something about my problem and accepting what I am and every little detail about myself.
For a brief period of time I hated looking at the mirror but soon I discovered that the more I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled, it’s like my acne-ridden face has been automatically Photoshopped clean. A smile can make a lot of difference, you know, even to yourself. It’s best to see yourself beautiful before you care about what others think.
No matter how hideous you may seem to the rest of the world, every time you smile, it will give them a hint that you appreciate yourself for how you look, and you’ll realize soon enough they will stop with the ridicules simply because it has no effect on you anymore. You are a happy person and because happiness radiates a glow from within, you’ll start looking more beautiful. Besides, you are created from the image and likeness of God. Would you rather spend your borrowed life thinking you’re ugly? Because you’re not and that’s a fact.
You’re Smart and Talented
Everyone must be good at something.
Genetic disorders exist but I believe that nothing is too hard to teach nor impossible to learn. We all went through a few subjects in school that we truly despised. Chemistry for one happens to be my very first fail subject. I remember in a fifty items exam and I got only five. Okay, so I didn’t really study for it because I didn’t see the point in trying to learn something I won’t be able to apply in the real world. I had the lowest grade and it just felt as if everybody looked down on me. It sucked even though I didn’t really care for it that much. So I had to make up for that unacceptable mark and I cursed Chemistry up until we started with Pharmacology classes. That was when I found chemistry handy, and I got good grades!
My point is, intelligence sometimes come with your life’s passions. If you’re so much in love with Art then Politics won’t make much sense to you. I’m not really sure about this but based on experience, when new knowledge comes knocking and it’s not part of your interest, no matter how hard you memorize or devise ways to absorb it, it just won’t work. However, if it’s something you’re interested in, it’s like your brain opens up automatically for new information.
If you’re born with the extreme ability to learn and absorb any type of information, then I guess your only problem is with regards to making major decisions in life like in choosing which guy to date or whether to give in to love or not, which are basically things most people suck at because love offers no defined set of guidelines of which we are to follow.
Face it, there are a lot of people who excel in school and do not really make it good in life. If you’re one of these people, then look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re not stupid. You just made bad decisions, and it’s okay. We were all born ignorant in this world. We’ll never figure everything out. So stop blaming yourself for not knowing this and that because most probably, you know something that others do not. You’re just too busy measuring up to what they know instead of investing your time in the things you know. Tell yourself you’re intelligent and be confident about the things you know, no matter how basic they are. Allow them to be seeds of which you will use your time to nurture and grow.
You’re a Strong Person
We women are proud to be resilient creatures.
The fact that we are soundly in tune with our emotions means that we too have the ability to control them. So we’re emotional and erratic sometimes. We laugh and cry a lot for various deep and shallow reasons. But for the record, men commit suicide three times more than women do, which is a perfect excuse why you should stop moping around and start telling yourself that you’re a strong person.
I could go around mentioning every bit of reason why women are better at controlling their emotions than men but I’m sure you never will truly feel stronger by referring to a statistic. It’s an average anyway. This is all about you and your capability to withstand any type of misfortune that comes your way.
When you’re stuck in a rut and when the world seems all in your face, believe me no normal person will just shrug it off and continue living like nothing happened. Horrendous events either make or break you. It’s a vicious cycle we all have to live with but here’s a secret: Every bad experience could either be a payment for a past negative deed or a signal for an awesome upcoming opportunity. I know, it’s the law of karma. Do good and be rewarded with good a hundredfold. Do evil and prepare for the worst. Keep telling yourself you’re strong so that whatever the world throws at you, you can handle like a diva. God will not give you any load too heavy that you cannot carry. It’s all a matter of pulling yourself up when the world seems to bury you alive and emerging like a purified gold that withstood fire.
You can be Healthy
Now that you’re starting to build up a positive outlook against life’s challenges, it’s time that you take it physical. You have to be healthy for yourself; Not to look better for others but to feel better about yourself. Stop smoking and drinking. Meditate upon waking up. Enough with the fast food and junk food, eat more fruits and vegetables. Exercise daily. Play mind games when you’re bored. Get enough sleep. Be aware of your body’s limits and be assertive about it. You know very much how this works.
Besides, with a healthy body, there are most likely less worries that any form of disease may occur, which in turn decreases the possibilities of having another situation to deal with.
You’re a Queen
You’re a queen in every way possible.
You are beautiful, intelligent, strong and healthy. Always wear your invisible crown. It serves as your protective helmet from anybody who tries to ridicule you. It’s your personal shield from your own negative thoughts. Be nicer to yourself and the world will love you just the way you have always wanted it to.